Mutually Inclusive PR

An Incredible Business Opportunity from a Nice Dutch Lady

After years of receiving dubious e-mails from various government figures, relatives of royalty, and lawyers with lofty connections in Nigeria, I've received a legitimate business offer from a very nice woman in the Netherlands.

It seems Maryann Jacob recently discovered a metal box with $15 million in U.S. currency, and wants my help in stealing it from a customer of the security company that she works for.

Normally I wouldn't want to get involved in something like this, but it appears Maryann hasn't been happy in her job, and wants to pursue life as a public figure. Sounds like a legitimate reason to me.

Maryann has asked me to keep this confidential, until we can get our hands on the money. I'm asking you, my blog readers, to keep this under your hats. Once I have succeeded in this "risk-free" endavour and have my 40% share, I'll make an announcement about where the party is going to be. It promises to be quite a blow-out!

If you receive a similar e-mail from Ms. Jacob, please delete it, or report it to the authorities. I'm already providing assistance freeing up the money, so there is no need for you to pursue the matter. Besides, it's quite possible that you might be motivated by greed to help out this disgruntled employee. My motives are much purer.

For similar "offers", see the Crimes of Persuasion site.

Tags: scams, humour, nigeria, 419scams, fraud

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Deconstructing the Blog Posting

Ike Pigott's parody of a style guide for creating blog posts is a brilliant bit of understated humour.

His template is worth checking out, including the comments, which maintain the mock-style-guide tone of Pigott's piece.  Here's a sample:

Quote lifted from another PR blogger, accompanied by an animated .gif that I cleverly assembled using Microsoft Paint, IrfanView, and unFreez — all because I am too cheappoor to buy software. Preference given to quotes from A-listers, on the off chance that my TrackBack link will drive traffic to my blog.

Tags: a-list, bloggers, AtP2, Ike Pigott, parody

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Just Crawled out from under a Rock

I've been offline for a while. Reading through headlines on the news sites, I see that Richard Edelman shops at Wal-Mart, or something like that.

Yeesh, the things people think are newsworthy. ;-)

Laugh of the day: Steve Rubel as a Wal-Mart greeter (link via Steve Rubel).

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Best Unscripted Moment in a PR Podcast

Michael Butler, guest host: "Are you guys married?"

Hobson and Holtz (in unison): "Yes, but not to each other.".

This priceless moment came while Butler was interviewing the Hobson and Holtz Report podcasters, along with fellow PR podcaster Eric Schwartzmann.  Now I have to download and learn a sound editing program, just so I can save that clip for posterity.

From For Immediate Release Mashup, at New Communications Forum.

The happily married (to others) couple. (photo by Brian Oberkirch)

Tags:  podcasts,  podcasting, blogs, newcomms forum, 

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Offended? Create Your own List of Banned Words

The Iranians are renaming Danish Pastries "Roses of the Prophet Muhammad," to protest the Danish editorial cartoons.

This sort of thing can escalate.  Next thing you know, Canada will rename Brazil Nuts: "Rain Forest Nuts" in condemnation of Brazil's stewardship of the Amazon  basin.

Then Chinese Food will instead be referred to as Oppressed People's Food and Kiwi Fruit will be called, well, Hairy Fruit, because that's what it should have been named in the first place.

China, of course, has a long history of human rights violations.  New Zealand is just caught in the crossfire, because there isn't a type of food named after Australia, which has a degrading refugee process.

Personally, I've been offended by a few things written by New York blogger BL Ochman, so I'm going to remove those letters when they appear at the beginning of a word. As a protest against BL's frequent mistreatment of the human language, in future I will write and speak thusly:

"On a **eak winter morning, I pulled on my **ue jeans, ate some **intzes and **ood sausage, then sat down to post to my **og."

And don't get me started on the verbal gymnastics that will be required to form sentences while avoiding words that might imply I condone the fashion atrocities of Courtney Love, the bully tactics of Apple Inc., the human rights abuses of George Bush, and the offensive actions of hundreds of other public figures, cities, countries and neighbourhoods.

Communication will become increasingly difficult as I add new words to my banned list, but at least my act of publicly condemning immorality in this world will accomplish something (not sure what yet, but I'll report back when I figure it out).

My campaign of protest may seem intolerant and futile at first, but since when has that been an impediment to anyone?

Thanks to Allan Jenkins for the Danish response to pastry situation, and Bill Doskoch for an update on the cartoon backlash.  And BL, I wasn't really all that offended, but the conceit of being offended was too good to pass up. ;-)

Tags:  banned cartoons danish humour blogs protest

PR Blog Guarantees 300 Posts this Year

Inspired by ground-breaking new metrics being offered by visionary public relations firms, Mutually Inclusive PR publisher Eric Eggertson is announcing a 300-posting guarantee for blog readers this year.

"Mutually Inclusive PR achieves this high volume of published articles because it employs metrics and adheres to well-documented processes that help ensure results," says Eggertson. "For example, words are typed into a computer and saved on our weblog.  Using this and many other parameters, we are constantly monitoring the number of blog posts against set benchmarks that turns verbosity from an art into a science."

Mutually Inclusive PR is an innovative public relations blog, that is breaking ranks with the rest of the PR industry by offering the first “300 published articles per year” guarantee in the nation. This unprecedented number of guaranteed postings suddenly brings “accountability” to the PR profession; allowing bored and disinterested readers to accurately justify their blog-reading expense and identify its effectiveness in understanding the complex world of business communications.

"If we fail to achieve our guaranteed volume, I promise to completely refund the subscription fees paid for this insightful online publication," Eggertson adds.

(Some concepts and unique word choices may be similar to a news release by Power PR. This similarity is totally incidental, and should not be construed as satire.)

IABC Blog Battle Royale

Ragan Communications' David Murray critiques IABC Cafe blogger (and board chair) Warren Bickford for writing bland posts, and not doing it often enough, in the December 19 Ragan Report.

Reminds me of the complaint about restaurant food: "The food here is terrible! And such small portions!"

Last winter, there was a sustained attack by bloggers on then-chair David Kistle for starting a blog, but not seeming to have the energy or inclination to maintain it. This year, despite a lengthy absence from the blog, Bickford hasn't faced the same criticisms.

This could have something to do with Bickford's active engagement on the blog over a period of months, the fact he asked several guest bloggers to step in during times when he might not be able to carry the conversation (only Tom Keefe has risen to the occasion), and how open he has been to suggestions, comments and criticism. That kind of behaviour earns you some slack when you need it.

Murray's conclusion "A lesson, perhaps: Transparency requires more than a good attitude, but time and energy, too."

Mark Ragan steps into the debate, saying that Murray was calling the blog bland, not Bickford. He then goes on to suggest Bickford could be more "exciting" by writing like Steve Crescenzo does. Crescenzo is indeed a lively writer who often takes a provocative stance to get a reaction. Which works for him, but it's not necessarily Bickford's style.

Bickford is doing just fine, writing about things that interest him or affect the organization. He has a wry wit that doesn't need to be more exciting, thank you.

While Murray was taking a jab at the IABC Cafe, he also took a potshot at "Canadian PR man and IABC gadfly Brian Kilgore (who) responds, often multiple times and typically truculently, to virtually every entry. We do not fault bloggers for ignoring such people. We might not even fault them for removing their posts."

Nothing like poking at a hornet's nest to stir up interest.

(Disclosure:  I know and respect Bickford. I haven't met any of the others involved in this epic struggle.)

Photo Proves Tod Is Audio Pioneer

Futurist, blogger and podcaster Tod Maffin has been at the forefront of many geek trends, but I never realized what a pioneer he truly was. Close examination of a photo on Maffin's I Love Radio blog proves that he was with radio pioneer Guglielmo Marconi on the historic day of the first transatlantic radio transmission.

See the photo, taken in St. John's Newfoundland (that's Tod on the left).

For more on Tod's cross-country pod meet-up odyssey, check out his site.

Cubicle Life: Now We Have Action Figures

I thought this was a gag web site when Judy Gombita forwarded the link, but apparently The Cubes action figures are available for purchase in all their empowered, disincentivized glory.

My favourite is the Sensitivity Consultant action figure.

If any of your action figures come without job titles, or if you want to motivate them by offering them a lateral transfer that will expand their skill set and increase their experience and employability, you can try the Job Title Genherator.

You can buy cubicles and action figures, plus Seattle-based Accoutrements offers a new Break Room and Copy Room. You can even add a Corporate Protester to your own miniature cube farm.

Good thing Judy pointed these out before Christmas...

Frank Magazine not so Dead

A while back I reported that Frank Magazine had not been resurrected.

When the news came this summer that Frank was back, I was on holiday, and neglected to pass on the link to the new Canadian political satire online publication.

Unlike the Frank of old, which could be tucked away in a desk drawer or a briefcase, this Frank can be detected by corporate IT folks when you get your fill of salacious gossip, innuendo and satire.

No problem. If anyone questions what you're doing spending all that time reading Frank, just tell them you're doing research to protect your boss's reputation.

Thanks for the link to Antonia Zerbisias.